Bang. Bang. Guns Go Bang. [entries|friends|calendar] Jessie Jojo +userinfo +entries +friends +calendar Name: Jessica Location: Canada Age: 16 Sexuality: I’m straight. STRAIGHT INTO YO MUMS PANTS! camping hiking silverstein sheep riding msn El Jay Blueberries Bridget romance belts fruit talking on the phone till 2 am romantic novels picnics books writing my friends funny birthday cards quads ALEXISONFIRE my chemical romance hungry jacks iced tea hot rods beef jerky cheerios when its too sunny how everyone loves gerard way time differences when dogs jump on you little kids crying smoking girls that talk too much boys that talk too much shit my arms failure when things dont go my way being wrong burger king how im a hopeless romatic the smell of vanilla how i dont know how to change my lj layout red meat an unclean room Dressed to kill You look so right I am drunk with lust tonight Your wounds are opening wide And they might be Just My Size Layout features From First to Last. Picture credit to From First to Last. Coding and editing by Ospenoptemous. DO NOT STEAL. Note To Self: I Miss You Terribly [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i can take it if you need to take this, out on someone. [Tuesday October 23rd, 2007] the new life i have entered consists of: no smoking. no getting high. no sex. lots of food. lots of sleep. lots of alcohol. of my "best'  friends: one who used to hold me so high, is now being led by a leash. how unfortunate. another is not allowed to speak to me. how fucked up. one i havent even seen yet. how sad. one became more beautiful, inside and out, and i love her to death. how perfect. one broke my heart and changed my outlook. how fucking pitiful. and one is my absolute rock. i would already have gone back if it wasnt for her. how ... worth it. just a couple more weeks and im taking off again. i need to drink it all in.  ive wasted too much time concentrating on the lost to appreciate that there is beauty around. theres a better bit of me to see here, cuz you havent seen any of my best. i hate myself without you now. nothing has ever been more worth it.  i can hate half of you, but seeing you that first time after 2 years was worth the 2 grand and trip halfway around the world. seeing one smile in person can now send me home happy. even if its all changed now. and no, my memories wont be tainted. ill always remember how we used to be. peace. BANG BANG! 1 GUNS GO BANG

confessions pt.1 [Monday April 9th, 2007] i can lie to myself as much as i want. but in the end. i smoke. i drink. i get high at least once a day. im secluded. i spend all my money within the first 3 days of getting paid. i spend all my time with a boy, instead of my friends. im secluded. i only go home to sleep. i hardly read. i never write. i've become everything i hate, and everything i hate has become me.  i have never admitted any of this out loud - let alone wrote it down for everyone to read. i know i want need to change. this might be the lifestyle of some people. and perhaps this is the lifestyle of people who are content with it. but im not. this isnt me. this is not my style. 'you cannot help those who wont help themselves.' but i need a boost. .someone start me off. BANG BANG! 0 GUNS GO BANG

...two floors down getting high in the back room. [Tuesday December 26th, 2006] Christmas has come and gone. Santa was decent this year. and actually the only thing i found to be disappointing, was myself. i just didnt feel it. it wasnt the norm - i passed out hard at 9, and then at 8 the next morning it took two people and a cup of water on my face to get me to open my eyes. but presents were nice. got an ipod. finally. from the bf, a beautiful locket. then the usual. clothes, makeup, pointless things like a clock made from a cd which ill never use, but are nice anyways. all in all it was a good christmas. however ive had to work an excess amount lately. and when i say excess. i mean every day. at least 8 hours. for the past week and a half. i had to work christmas eve, christmas, and boxing day. and now the 3 days following. however, i get the 30, 31, and 1st off. i cant work when im either fucked or hungover. which i very much plan to be. because im crazy like that. i have something to say: i hate you. no, i dont. your a kind hearted, warm person. your funny and chilled. but i fucking hate you. no one is EVER right other then you. hell will freeze the fuck over before your wrong. taking a look at life through someone elses eyes isnt an option for you. its your way, or no way. your 100%. and its fucking ignorant. its fucking ignorant to not accept the possibility that you could very possibly, dare i say it, be in the wrong. yeah, shits happened in your life. its all sad and your very strong blah blah blah. but. fuck. you. you take your emotional distress and distribute it to everyone around you. i hardly talk to you and i feel it. im done. grow up. grow out of it. because whether you see it or not, you just cant live without it. you refuse to. take a step back and try to see why you've lost half the people around you. and the sad thing is, you'll never know this is about you. and i dont care enough to say it to your face. in conclusion: -on my very. very. boring days at work. i have creeped on every myspace possible. people i know, have never met before. pictures, blogs, oh i was all up in that grill. its sad. im kind of lonely. and eventually, i will gain a life. -i had a good christmas, pretty excited for new years. -i miss jackson ryan, liz and alice more then i thought possible, even after almost 2 years. weird how it hits you harder during the holidays. - and. ive found out that what i wanted for a year and a half, i suddently dont want anymore. i need a new year. BANG BANG! 3 GUNS GO BANG

[Saturday December 23rd, 2006] i wish i was more excited about christmas. im at work. its 8:00 am. been here for an hour. 11 to go. i feel drained. i stay up and cough all night. but mostly, i feel empty. i wish i knew what to do about it. i need to replace it. put something there. just for a little while even. i want presents. not to sound greedy. but maybe presents would make me feel better. it would be nice. im going to gain weight this holidays. its my goal. maybe food will make me feel less empty. abuh. another boring entry for another boring day. merry fucking christmas and happy damn new years. love always, scrooge. BANG BANG! 1 GUNS GO BANG

i see you windin, grindin, up on that pole. [Monday December 4th, 2006] wow. way too long since i posted. um. wow. the way my luck and life is, posting this will probably fuck everything up. but im going to anyways. im stable. for once in my life, i am on stable ground. everything is going good. nothing is wrong. and im bored. i dont have motivation. i dont have drive. im missing something. maybe the craziness that my life always used to be kept me sane. and now that its gone i have to adjust. but that doesnt mean the boredome goes away. im probably going to do something stupid to spice things up. probably. dont be surprised. christmas soon. i wish i was more excited. im more anticipating buying presents then getting. im def a better person then you. this entry is boring. im still typing it, and posting it, but its dead boring. if any of you have been wondering why i dont post any more. this is the precise reason. i have nothing to write. i have nothing to say. i can babble and ramble. but its boring shit that makes you want to put a bullet in your foot because it would be more exciting. and yet you keep reading. hoping that maybe, in the lines to come, something the least bit interesting will jump out. im pregnant. .. yeah thats a lie. and im done. over and out. BANG BANG! 2 GUNS GO BANG

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